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new year resolutions

  • Posted on December 29, 2013 at 8:16 pm

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Hello!  I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas!  Relaxing and lots of family time.  Elizabeth got a Duck Dynasty board game from Santa and we have played it more times than I can count.

The new year is just around the corner and I am still trying to prepare my blog for the one year mark.  I believe it was January 2nd when I launched this project.  Some of my updates are not going well.  I have “plugins” that run on my blog and a couple have not been working correctly.  So on-ward I go with my efforts to fix that.

I am not a person who always makes new year resolutions.  Many people do and some people don’t believe in making them.  I’m not one who always makes them but not for any reason, just something I don’t always do.  In 2010 I did make one, I started working with T.  I wanted to get healthy.  Ok wait, I wanted to be skinny – let me be honest.  That resolution did not stick right away but I did make it work eventually, I lost weight.  I don’t need to ramble on about the skinny/healthy thing, you all know where I am with that.  Anyway, I haven’t made one since then.  I’m thinking but that’s all I can say right now. 

Resolutions can be great!!  Be realistic and set a reasonable goal if you are planning to make one.  I really do think they can be good.  Give it some thought and have a great new year celebration!!

Merry Christmas!!

  • Posted on December 22, 2013 at 12:47 pm

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A couple of days before Christmas and we are really excited here in the Bey house.  We have a party this afternoon with our neighbors and the kids are doing a gift exchange.  Our Daughter has put her favorite Christmas movie DVD’s in a stack and plans to watch them in the order she has arranged them. 

I probably won’t be blogging much the next several days, going to be spending Christmas with my favorite people.  I am still doing some work on different pages, the toughest one being my picture pages.  Still a work in progress.  With my blogs one year anniversary approaching, I’d like to have everything updated and back in full swing at that time.

My plan is to make my first post of the new year a run down of this whole experience.  I have so many people to thank.  All the help & support has been amazing.  I truly can’t express how much I appreciate it.  So that’s it for now. 

I wish all of you a VERY merry Christmas and a happy and healthy new year!!

I’m confused!!!

  • Posted on December 19, 2013 at 6:02 pm

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I hope everyone is wrapping up their shopping.  Finishing those last things so you can enjoy Christmas!!  I always enjoy some quiet time to hang with my family, no rushing about in the crowds!  That would probably push me over the edge.  Crowds!!!  I’ve been known to shop at Walmart with my headphones on.  Walmart this weekend would require hand-holding!!

Yesterday I mentioned my Dr. appointment – yes the one that got on my nerves.  My friend Ann took me and then we went to the gym.  I love giving her a hard time.  Everything I say to her usually has a lot of thought behind it.  Not sincere friendly thought.  I try with all efforts to be as snarky as I can!  I absolutely love catching her off guard with a comment.  I am the consistent bitchy, grouchy, rude friend that she can count on.  She is always positive.  She has upped her game with me a bit, she can challenge my snarky comments.  Yesterday I caught her off guard with positivity.  It was just rolling off my tongue.  She was day cramming as usual and I was actually giving her a boost with positive comments.  I can say that was probably the first time its been that way.  I mean I’m not a complete shit to her, don’t misunderstand, it’s just how our friendship is.  Thing is, she really appreciated it.  It wasn’t that hard either.  A few positive comments can change a persons day.   She of course knows that was it, it’ll be awhile before she see’s that side of me again.  I told her that was my Christmas gift to her. 

On to my diet.  Yesterday I told you all about sugars and the new plan to maintain a consistent blood sugar level.  Every time Tony tells me to follow something new my hard head, over-thinking brain and just pure pain in the ass self pops up.  I know I’m over-thinking this sugar thing but I don’t understand certain parts about glycemic index.  I mean I get the general idea of what I’m supposed to do but some of the charts that I see, yikes!!  Foods have different index numbers and I don’t get why.  I’m so confused I can’t even explain how I’m confused.  There’s index and load and I can’t figure out the difference between them.  Do I even need to?  The numbers are supposed to be below 55 for a low index but if the load is a certain number then it’s ok?  Like watermelon and pineapple.  This number 55, is it per meal or for the day?  I don’t know.  If there are no carbs are there no sugars?  Anyway, that’s where I am now, figuring it out.  I’m certain I’m making this harder than it needs to be.  It’s just that I am determined to feel better and avoid brain surgery.  I’ll change my diet and do what it takes.  Surgery just can’t be my only option!

importance of health

  • Posted on December 18, 2013 at 1:59 pm

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Good day all!!  I hope everyone is well.  Christmas is getting closer and I couldn’t be more excited!!  My husband and I are having so much fun shopping for our daughter and she is so excited for Christmas.

Today I had a Dr’s appointment with my Epileptologist.  It went swimmingly!!  No it really didn’t.  He seemed to be a touch annoyed with me.  He doesn’t understand why I have put surgery on the back burner right now.  I mean it really is just one of the easiest decisions ever right?  First off, can we talk about the fact that Dr.’s at UVA couldn’t really give me anymore info than I already had.  “We can’t say for sure”.  Oh, ok well I’d like to jump right in to having the next step done.  Please cut my head open, place electrodes on my brain, stop my meds and set me up in the hospital for two weeks.  Then we’ll see if surgery can be done.  A decision like this doesn’t just involve me.  It’s my husband and daughter who would be affected by me being gone for a couple of weeks and my parents having to come help.  I couldn’t make such a decision without my husband and he is totally against it right now.  It’s something we can’t think through.  Surgery for what though?  To be able to drive?  To take one less med than I do now?  I’m highly affected by stress and lack of sleep.  Is having surgery going to change that?  I’ve accepted that I’ll probably never drive again.  I most likely, even with surgery, will never be seizure free.  I will tell you that the thought of driving almost puts me in a panic.  My Dr has concerns about seizures getting worse, I get that.  It’s been almost 11 years since my diagnosis and they haven’t changed.  I could have done without him telling me that Sudden Un-expected Death is always a possibility with epilepsy, though not common.  I know my Dr. is frustrated, I can understand that.  Him pushing surgery and not understanding why I am not up for it – that frustrates me.

So, I am putting major efforts into a strict diet.  Not necessarily for weight loss purposes, though I am not going to complain if I drop a few pounds.  Diet has been known to help epileptics.  It obviously doesn’t rid us of epilepsy but it can help.  Some people have had a decrease in the number of seizures.  Tony has tried very hard to break through my skull and get me to understand the importance of diet.  I have made MANY half ass attempts to do what he says.  I’ve been doing really well lately, eating the right calories, carbs etc.  He has already had me doing lower carb but now wants me to watch simple carbs, get rid of the sugar spikes and crashes.  It won’t make my lesion go away but it may help cut out the number of seizures.  I told him I am in.  If there is a chance that it will help, I’ll do it.  I’m not ready for anyone to literally touch my brain.

Think about your diet.  Would you do what it takes to feel better on a daily basis?  Would you be willing to cut certain things from your diet if it meant you could avoid making a medical condition worse or avoid a surgery like mine?  It won’t be easy, it never is.  It wasn’t easy for me to cut the ties with Ben & Jerry’s ice-cream.  I did though.  Thing is, I can’t remember what Cherry Garcia tastes like but I sure do know how it feels to be over 100 pds lighter.

 

If you haven’t seen the new Special K campaign – Fight Fat Talk, it’s on my home page.  Check it out.

success not failure

  • Posted on December 17, 2013 at 1:03 pm

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Hello to all!!

Can you believe that Christmas Eve is one week from today?  I’m so excited.  We are in good shape at the Bey house.  We have one detail we have to work out for our daughter but otherwise we are good.  No idea what we are going to do for Christmas dinner but we’ll figure it out.  Open to suggestions!!

Yesterday was a bit of a struggle exercise wise.  I did go to the gym but I only made it through about 5 minutes of cardio.  Being without one of my meds for 36 hours was just too much.  I don’t feel bad every day.  I have days where I feel tired but most times I can talk myself through it.  A medication mess up is different, it’s not just tired.  It’s hard to describe but its a hollow feeling.  My arms and legs and my hands and feet feel like there’s nothing inside and my face tingles.  That’s the best I can do to explain it.  It’s a tired that I can’t work through.  Anyway, thankfully is doesn’t happen often.

I am still focusing on those calories, carbs, proteins and fats.  Keeping everything where it should be.  I am picking up my exercise, working harder at home like I used to.  Taking my focus of numbers is helping, I’m really starting to feel ok about letting that go.  Changing my mindset really is making a difference.  Making the decision to be healthy, not skinny, feels great and is less stressful.  I’m not ok with failing.

encouragement

  • Posted on December 16, 2013 at 9:58 am

 

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Hi everyone!

 

Hope you had a great weekend and are off to a good start to your week.  We made it to the bus stop early today so that was a big improvement for us.

 

I am encouraging myself through this post today.  I am going to the gym even though I don’t want to.  I have had so much trouble lately with my prescriptions.  Second time now with Trileptal in just a matter of days.  I want to go to bed so bad, but I can’t.  Not sure I will be able to get out of bed if I do.  So I am trying to come up with something to blog about.  I only have to hold out for about an hour and then I can go to Farm Fresh and grab my prescription.  It’s so annoying.  I feel so dependent on these stupid pills.  Ha, feel dependent – I am dependent!!!  On the plus side, calls from the pharmacy and Dr. B have brought a positive closer I think.  Seems the quantity and mg dosage got messed up when this prescription transferred back down from UVA to Dr B.  I thought all had been fixed at this point but I guess it was only Keppra and Dilantin.  Keeping fingers crossed it’s fixed now.

Going to make it to the gym.  It may not be my best effort but I’ll do something.  Hope you all have a great day!

post error

  • Posted on December 15, 2013 at 6:38 pm

Sorry for the posting error.  Somehow while changing pictures, one of Bailey and I was published as a new post.  I have deleted it and hopefully no more problems.  For now anyway.  Good night everyone!!

assuring myself

  • Posted on December 15, 2013 at 12:03 pm

 

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Happy Sunday everyone!

I am getting ready to start baking some cookies for my husband and daughter.  I am not making many this year, we each have a favorite and that is what I’m going to make.  Yesterday ended up being a rather busy day with dance.  Several of us Mom’s went shopping after dropping our daughters off at dance.  A re-stock of items needs to be done each year before the competition season starts.  After dance several of us had to make a run to the dance store for shoes, tights etc.  By the time we got home I didn’t have the energy or time to work on my site.  It appears it is going to take me longer than I thought to get my picture galleries fixed.  I’ll be working on it here and there and will let ya know when all is fixed.  Hopefully it will be much improved.

I am still feeling positive about the whole size thing.  I’m not fat.  I know I am not fat.  I don’t care what the scale says or what size my clothes are.  It’s ok that I don’t weigh 138 and that I am not wearing a size 6.  Am I repeating myself?  Yes!!!  I want it to stick.  My guess is that it’s been about a month of me eating consistently.  I’m itching to ask Tony when I will start losing a little.  I know I will but I don’t want it to be my focus.  He’ll check weight & body fat % here and there, I’m not going to let myself worry about it everyday.  Having my husband be my sounding board once again, I ran through my weight thoughts yesterday so he could re-assure me.  He always makes me feel better.  I’m starting to increase my exercise again, the workouts at home.  In some area’s I feel I’m literally starting over.  When I started this journey I tackled one thing at a time and I have had to do that again.  I’m still going to the gym but I am ready to push my home workouts harder now.  I’ve always done both, gym and home.  I’ve slacked off on home workouts while trying to tackle this food thing.  Once I get going in my gym at my house, I think I’ll see a few pounds, and that’s all I’m expecting, come off.  Then I’ll start looking more fit, which is my goal.  Fit and healthy.  I don’t want to be skinny and I don’t want to be fat.  Oh and my blog about skinny and fat, most people agreed.  A rude comment about skinny is just as offensive as one calling someone fat.  You just never know a person’s situation or struggles.  Enjoy you Sunday!

 

Friday the 13th

  • Posted on December 13, 2013 at 8:20 am

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Good morning!!

 

Hope you all are well.  I am heading off to the gym shortly and then Walmart.  It’s grocery shopping day.  Leah and I head to the gym in the am and then we do our weekly shopping.  Yesterday I updated my blog with the new WordPress version and now I need to make some adjustments.  Some of my pictures have been a mess lately, they aren’t pulling up.  Now they are worse!!  Gotta do a little behind the scene’s work.  For a Friday the 13th laugh, I was going to share a photo of my morning bus stop attire from yesterday.  It is what I had on when I ran across the street with my daughter to catch her bus.  Fabulous.  If I can get this working right I’ll post it up.  Have a great day!

skinny and fat

  • Posted on December 11, 2013 at 5:13 pm

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Have you ever wondered why its ok to talk about some topics but not others?  For instance, why is it ok to tell someone they are too skinny but you can’t mention that someone is fat.  I’ve been one extreme to the other.  I never had anyone say to my face that I was fat.  I was and knew it but no one said it.  I did, however, have someone look at me and say “God you’re so skinny”, or something close to that.  This was said to me by an overweight person.  Why was that ok?  Why was it ok for this person to look at me and gasp and tell me I was so skinny?  What if I had said, Oh well your fat.  I would have been considered a rude bitch.  Was it not rude to have “skinny” said to me in a negative way?  What was said to me wasn’t said as a compliment nor was it said out of concern.  The wide eyes, gasp and just the way it was said made that clear.  I can speculate as to why it was said but quite honestly I don’t care.  I don’t care from a personal perspective, I’m not that sensitive so my feelings weren’t hurt.  I am curious though.  Having been fat and skinny, makes me wonder why saying one thing is acceptable but the other is not.  I was skinny, too skinny.  I was also fat, too fat.  Somehow skinny is ok, fat is not.  My emotional issues that encouraged me to want to be too skinny are no less important than the ones that cheered me on to being too fat.  So why is that ok?  Think about it, I do.

We never know a person’s situation.  My meds make me a rude bitch but I would never target a person’s size.

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