What is up with my core today?  I feel like I have no core strength.  T was here earlier and I realized I was having a problem with an exercise when I caught her laughing at me.  I couldn’t get this one exercise right.  Was it my core or was it my coordination?  I think it was a bit of both but she laughed!!  Have I been so focused on getting to a number that is not realistic, my mid-section has now paid the price?  I certainly hope not.  I don’t really have a problem looking like a jackhole but I do have an issue with a weak core.  Plus I can’t take it when I give T too much to laugh at.

I can work on that – I have the mental and physical strength to get through core moves that T throws my way.  I am still working on having the strength to avoid the scale.  Our parting was a week ago yesterday.  I am ok but I desperately want to know what my weight is right now.  I like that my mood is not being affected by a number but I am also a bit stressed that I can’t do a check in.  My emotions swirl so much in my head that I almost make it impossible to think straight.  Weight, fitness and health – that alone is enough to process.  I add my impaired brain to that and my thought process is in overdrive.  You’d think I would try to manage things differently and not let something like my scale take over.  Laugh one minute, complain the next and then I am just pissed.  The scale is a liar – a twitter friend said.  It certainly is but I still want to know what it has to say.

I have been trying for days to complete updates to my blog but I can’t manage to get a clear point out.  I am consumed with the trivial matter of how much I weigh.  I want to accept my weight and appearance.  I also want to hurl when someone tries to be nice to me when they mention how I look.  Trying to do this may take a whole lot more strength than I’ve got.

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