The blue light, I hate it. 

Hey everyone,  Hope your day has started off well.  I am walking myself through my morning trying to not go completely ape because I can’t weigh.  How ridiculous!!  I have seriously considered asking T if she will let me just step on my scale and then she can take it back.  I know what she’ll say so I am not going to bother.  I also have thought about weighing at Fitness 19.  It would kill me to step on the scale there because I would have to weigh in front of people but I am to the point now that I would possibly do it.  It is a blessing that I am not going to the gym today and am working out at home because the temptation would be too great!  I have to work through this, I have too.  If I give in now I will never be able to rid myself of weighing.  I have to say though, it is comforting to know that I am not the only person who battles the number.  Sad to say that but its true.  I know others understand this crazy obsession.  I went back and forth with a girl on twitter today who said its been a relief for her to put it out of her mind.  SHE HAS HER SCALE TOO!!  I don’t think I could do it.  She walks right past it.  No way I have the strength for that.  I am obsessed with wanting to know.  I look in the mirror every morning to see if I think I look the same or if I have maybe dropped a pound or two.  Who wants to do this day after day?  Clearly I do.  Oh yes, please sign me up for this constant frustration and thought process on weight and food.  I enjoy the preoccupation.  At my age, why can’t I let it go?  Same feelings I had in high school except now I really don’t care what others think about the way I look.  I have a vision of what I should look like so that is what I want.  Can you tell this is bothering me?  I’ve only blogged about it over and over.

It is true though, being obsessed with a number changes the way I feel about staying on track.  Not only does it make me happy, sad or pissed.  It can also affect what I eat and how much I want to move.  The scale can be a positive if we have a healthy perspective but if not, then its a nightmare.

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