The blue light, I hate it.
Hey everyone, Hope your day has started off well. I am walking myself through my morning trying to not go completely ape because I can’t weigh. How ridiculous!! I have seriously considered asking T if she will let me just step on my scale and then she can take it back. I know what she’ll say so I am not going to bother. I also have thought about weighing at Fitness 19. It would kill me to step on the scale there because I would have to weigh in front of people but I am to the point now that I would possibly do it. It is a blessing that I am not going to the gym today and am working out at home because the temptation would be too great! I have to work through this, I have too. If I give in now I will never be able to rid myself of weighing. I have to say though, it is comforting to know that I am not the only person who battles the number. Sad to say that but its true. I know others understand this crazy obsession. I went back and forth with a girl on twitter today who said its been a relief for her to put it out of her mind. SHE HAS HER SCALE TOO!! I don’t think I could do it. She walks right past it. No way I have the strength for that. I am obsessed with wanting to know. I look in the mirror every morning to see if I think I look the same or if I have maybe dropped a pound or two. Who wants to do this day after day? Clearly I do. Oh yes, please sign me up for this constant frustration and thought process on weight and food. I enjoy the preoccupation. At my age, why can’t I let it go? Same feelings I had in high school except now I really don’t care what others think about the way I look. I have a vision of what I should look like so that is what I want. Can you tell this is bothering me? I’ve only blogged about it over and over.
It is true though, being obsessed with a number changes the way I feel about staying on track. Not only does it make me happy, sad or pissed. It can also affect what I eat and how much I want to move. The scale can be a positive if we have a healthy perspective but if not, then its a nightmare.