Hello everyone!  I hope you had a great weekend.  So I am going to get right to it.  I was at two weeks, no weighing and I was ok.  I’ve been stressing a bit but for the most part I was dealing pretty well.  Went to the gym with Bailey today and what did I do right after we got there?  Yep, i stepped on the scale.  It ruined my workout.  I hate the scale and it makes me hate myself.  Why do I do this?  Why can’t I forget about it?  My husband, the one person that matters when it comes to how I look, could give a rats ass about what the scale says.  He asked me to marry him the very first time I saw him.  I laughed at him and asked him where my dorm room was, totally beside the point.  Thing is, he loved me then, I was probably 140.  I got up to 258 and he still thought I was hot, I’ve been back down as low as 138 and he sees me no different.  Well obviously he sees that I look different but it doesn’t matter to him – what the scale says.  I guess I can tell if he starts to worry a little bit but he doesn’t pressure me cause he knows that won’t help.  Bailey asked me today at the gym, what was my goal, where did I want to be.  I said that I wanted to be back to 138.  She said – really, cause you looked like shit then, hospital aside.  I’ve said I can get to 138 and do it healthy, clearly that’s my opinion.  I am making this too much of an issue.  It has taken over.  So many people have told me to stop.  Sabotaging my success is where I am headed if I don’t get a handle on my obsession.  UUUggghhhhh!!!!! 

I am not going to stop working on fitness because I don’t see what I want number wise.  There are many reasons as to why people give up on their workout programs, I am guessing feeling the way I do is one of them.  So, I guess I find a way to get happy about my weight or I just eat what I want and gain every pound back.  Either way, I am tired of bitching!!

Leave a comment

There are no comments yet.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.