Hello everyone! I hope you had a great weekend. So I am going to get right to it. I was at two weeks, no weighing and I was ok. I’ve been stressing a bit but for the most part I was dealing pretty well. Went to the gym with Bailey today and what did I do right after we got there? Yep, i stepped on the scale. It ruined my workout. I hate the scale and it makes me hate myself. Why do I do this? Why can’t I forget about it? My husband, the one person that matters when it comes to how I look, could give a rats ass about what the scale says. He asked me to marry him the very first time I saw him. I laughed at him and asked him where my dorm room was, totally beside the point. Thing is, he loved me then, I was probably 140. I got up to 258 and he still thought I was hot, I’ve been back down as low as 138 and he sees me no different. Well obviously he sees that I look different but it doesn’t matter to him – what the scale says. I guess I can tell if he starts to worry a little bit but he doesn’t pressure me cause he knows that won’t help. Bailey asked me today at the gym, what was my goal, where did I want to be. I said that I wanted to be back to 138. She said – really, cause you looked like shit then, hospital aside. I’ve said I can get to 138 and do it healthy, clearly that’s my opinion. I am making this too much of an issue. It has taken over. So many people have told me to stop. Sabotaging my success is where I am headed if I don’t get a handle on my obsession. UUUggghhhhh!!!!!
I am not going to stop working on fitness because I don’t see what I want number wise. There are many reasons as to why people give up on their workout programs, I am guessing feeling the way I do is one of them. So, I guess I find a way to get happy about my weight or I just eat what I want and gain every pound back. Either way, I am tired of bitching!!