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Over the course of the past six months or so I have told you about dropping the pounds.  Good days and bad days right?  My struggles with workouts and the healthy food choice issues.  As I have continued with my blog my confessions have gone from telling you stories of me eating more food than is necessary for one person, to confessions of basically starving.  I have a history of poor dieting, by that I basically mean eating too much or not enough.   I have gone in both directions.  The blogs have been hard lately because the truth has been difficult.  T and I have exchanged some sad texts and it kills me.  She didn’t know what I was doing.  I have let her down.  Lets add my family, friends and myself to that as well.  I have no idea how to appropriately lose weight and maintain.  Well, I know – T taught me but I didn’t and don’t want to listen to her.  She can teach me how to workout and I will listen but when it comes to food, my ears close.  I am too close to her and in the end we both just get pissed.  I can see frustration on her face and hear it in her voice.  Hell I can even hear it when she texts me.  It’s not a game, I seriously can’t process some of this shit in my head.  I have and do count on her but when it comes to food, she becomes a person I can’t listen too.  You know how sometimes when someone tells you you can’t do something and that makes you want to do it even more?  That’s it!  I talk to her about all this stuff and I will continue too, I just don’t want her to tell me to change.  Ugh, I am a pain.  So here I go.  For the sake of my health and for my family and friends, I am going to try something new.  I am following advice given to me by Tony at Fitness 19.  I said I would give it two weeks.  I am scared to add calories and not weigh and drink a bunch of water but I am going to.  I don’t know how much I will say about it over the course of the next couple weeks but I will blog about it at some point.  You guys stay healthy!!

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