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Hello!  Hope everyone is well.  My post yesterday was about commitment.  I hope you have decided on your goals and are ready.  I am, though I am a bit scared.  I know I am still going to have ups and downs and so are you.  The ups and downs are ok but no giving up.  I have had help along the way, thank God, and I still do.  Find a support system.  I actually talk to my husband about it now, I of course have T and Tony from Fitness 19 has been VERY clear about the damage I’ve done and what I have to do to fix it.  I talk with my accountability group almost every day.  Conversations vary, sometimes joking and sometimes serious but we talk about things that are hard for us.  Leah and I were just talking yesterday about how we sometimes let ourselves give in during frustrating times and use those frustrations as excuses.  It’s so easy to say that we can’t give in or give up.  We all know pushing through those down moments totally stinks but we have too.  Tony just told Bailey and I yesterday – when we are angry we need to use that and push harder at the gym.

Weight loss has been a hard road for me.  Early on I was able to maintain a good weight.  Then I decided I knew better than T.  Dropping weight in a ridiculous way and trying to reach an unrealistic weight has been utterly exhausting.  Hiding that from my family and from T has also been exhausting.  I have moments when I want nothing more than to go back to my old ways.  The quick fix.  Since admitting these struggles my husband has started checking up on me.  Nothing pushy, just asking if I drank my water and ate the right amount of calories.  I can handle that.  T still makes comments now and then.  She knows I don’t take it well from her, I hope at some point I can.  I was actually able to laugh at her the other day as opposed to being pissed like normal.   While at the gym yesterday, Tony told me that I am very hard-headed.  Everything he tells me is so logical and I know he is right but it is hard for me to push my ways aside and go with his.   I am not going with my logic anymore.  I strayed from the plan the other day, I stepped on the scale and that is not allowed.  I was so pissed and my attitude went as far south as you can imagine.  He told me I had to play by the rules or I was out.  I have decided I am in 100%.  Who wants to hear me continually bitch?  No one!!  Ups and downs are one thing, acting like a complete shit is another.  I am pushing the people who are trying to help me.  At what point do they give up on me and count me as hopeless?  I’ve decided I don’t want to find out.

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