Feeling my mess up!

  • Posted on August 20, 2013 at 2:04 pm

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Starting over stinks!  I feel bad.  The water is getting to me.  I feel bloated and know I look it too.  As soon as I started cardio today I started with a few twitches.  I’ve taken my morning meds and my face is a bit numb and I’ve got disconnected head.  A little dizzy, kind of an off-balance feeling.  When I follow the rules given to me I feel so much better!!  Why can’t I stick with it?  I always fall into my ridiculous diet pit and then have to start all over.  I feel it too.  Why do so many of us keep starting over?  I know I allow my downfalls to take hold.  Of course it is positive when we get back on track and push towards our goals.  I just don’t know why I keep doing this, the constant starting over is so frustrating. I get so pissed at myself when I think about how far along I could be if I had just listened to Tony weeks ago and done what he said.  I listen, I just don’t stick with it.  The price – feeling like shit!

Maybe part of my problem is that I’ve never given health much thought.  I kinda wonder if I ever have.  I talk about health but what is my actual definition?  I must admit that I think my idea of healthy is how much I weigh and being thin.   I’ve been pretty thin at points during this journey and I didn’t feel so hot.  When I eat the right amount of calories and drink enough water, I actually feel great.  I’m not sure I have found comfort being either way.

Bailey and I just said to each other today, why does it seem that being healthy comes easy for some people.  Maybe it does maybe not.  Unfortunately It’s our decision, we have to decide what we want and stick it out.  We can certainly have people help us, thankfully, but no one can do the work for us.  So, pick it up and do what you gotta do.  I am back at the starting gate, not the first time either, but I don’t want to feel like crap anymore!!

2 Comments on Feeling my mess up!

  1. Kim :-) says:

    Michelle, when we were growing up no one talked about being “healthy” it was ALWAYS about being thin and pretty. As women we are “programed” that way from a very early age, only recently has there been a small- and I mean small- amount of advertising, marketing, etc about true beauty. It is very hard for me to try and raise Madi to be truly healthy while I have the demon inside telling me I am not thin enough……..I am with you. I know it is totally up to us to change that perception for ourselves, but man……it’s hard.

  2. michelle bey says:

    you are so right kim. I really am beginning to feel that my weight issues stem back to high school days. Pressure I put on myself to be “thin”. I wasn’t heavy but I didn’t weight 120 like my three close friends did. I also remember the George Michael video Freedom with all the famous models at that time. That is what I aspired to be. I catch myself all the time around Elizabeth because I don’t want that for her. I constantly say healthy. Though both our girls are tall with a thin frame, I try so hard not to say it. That demon is hard to crush. I think you look great! Your a kind, talented and attractive lady – Just gotta start believing it.

    I may have to blog about this conversation. Wont use your name if you’d prefer I not – won’t say Madi’s. Thanks so much for saying what you did, it’s always nice to hear from my friends.

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