Starting over stinks!  I feel bad.  The water is getting to me.  I feel bloated and know I look it too.  As soon as I started cardio today I started with a few twitches.  I’ve taken my morning meds and my face is a bit numb and I’ve got disconnected head.  A little dizzy, kind of an off-balance feeling.  When I follow the rules given to me I feel so much better!!  Why can’t I stick with it?  I always fall into my ridiculous diet pit and then have to start all over.  I feel it too.  Why do so many of us keep starting over?  I know I allow my downfalls to take hold.  Of course it is positive when we get back on track and push towards our goals.  I just don’t know why I keep doing this, the constant starting over is so frustrating. I get so pissed at myself when I think about how far along I could be if I had just listened to Tony weeks ago and done what he said.  I listen, I just don’t stick with it.  The price – feeling like shit!

Maybe part of my problem is that I’ve never given health much thought.  I kinda wonder if I ever have.  I talk about health but what is my actual definition?  I must admit that I think my idea of healthy is how much I weigh and being thin.   I’ve been pretty thin at points during this journey and I didn’t feel so hot.  When I eat the right amount of calories and drink enough water, I actually feel great.  I’m not sure I have found comfort being either way.

Bailey and I just said to each other today, why does it seem that being healthy comes easy for some people.  Maybe it does maybe not.  Unfortunately It’s our decision, we have to decide what we want and stick it out.  We can certainly have people help us, thankfully, but no one can do the work for us.  So, pick it up and do what you gotta do.  I am back at the starting gate, not the first time either, but I don’t want to feel like crap anymore!!

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