Hi everyone!  A gorgeous day on the east coast.  Windows are open and fresh air is flowing through our house.  Waiting for our daughter to get home from school so I thought I would prepare a blog regarding epilepsy.  I still don’t know what I am doing, I want to revamp my site so bad but I have no ideas.

What’s going on with my friend epilepsy?  Well, she’s still in my head.  A lesion that sits and sometimes behaves and other times drives me completely bonkers.  I can find myself in a sour mood so quickly.  Angry because I can’t get some place.  Angry because my husband has to do this or that for me.  Pissed because my daughter feels the effects of this stupid condition.  Just when I think I have come to accept it I realize I haven’t.  I go through phases really.  Most times acceptance exists BUT when it doesn’t I am ugly.

I saw my epileptologist on Friday the 13th.  Nothing out of the ordinary, standard appointment.  We once again re-visited the topic of surgery.  He is learning to accept the fact that I am not willing to go further without better statistics.  Probably, maybe, we’re not sure, we think.  Hell no you aren’t shaving my head and cutting into my skull until you have some more definite & encouraging words.  His positive, I am handling my meds fairly well.  The “impairments” I have are to be expected.  As for the twitching and confusion that occurs? Most likely an electrolyte issue.  As for the moods? Haha.  He looks at me like I am crazy for not understanding.  “You have a lesion on your brain and are taking extremely high dosages of three meds, its to be expected”.  So on we go.  It could be so much worse.  I count my blessings daily.

I am pulling myself out of a funk.  I become extremely agitated with myself and I express it through ugly sarcasm.  Ugly, sarcastic comments about me.  Jokingly putting myself down.  Thankfully it lasts a short time.  I turn it around though – I always do.  Strangely, many people tell me its ok to have these brief moments – get a bit annoyed, frustrated, whichever and then move on.  For some reason I don’t want to allow myself to do that.  I fear giving in to the emotions I guess.  I’d rather them just take over – GREAT IDEA!!!

Have a good day all.  Looking forward to many more days of beautiful fall weather like today.  To my twitter three, I’m watching The Omen while typing today!!!

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