Another wonderful day to have the windows open.  I have cleaned the downstairs carpets and given our sweet dog Milly a bath.  So now I’ve decided to type a bit while sitting by open windows with our mad, but clean, dog Milly and am listening to Josh Groban.

Went to the gym today with T and we had a bit of a challenge planned.  Last week when she and I did the stepper machine for cardio, I beat her.  We are INSANELY competitive with one another.  Not all the time but we do try to one-up each other often.  I talked some smack last week so it was decided that this week the challenge was on – who could climb 100 floors the fastest.  We were sweating grossly, and – lets just say we were ridiculous.  I’d say it was probably clear that we were trying to beat each other.  I will totally admit that she is stronger than me but I think my cardio is better.  She didn’t beat me by much BUT she also increased her speed and we were supposed to be on level 11.  This will never die and the challenge as to whose cardio is better will continue.  Right now, we are one and one!!!!

I wish I could have that competitive drive all the time.  I did when I was losing weight but maintaining it gives me so much frustration.  I have had to “start over” so many more times trying to maintain a healthy weight than I ever did once I got serious about  losing weight.  I set my mind on weight loss, once I got it in my head I didn’t turn back.  Granted it took me a little time but once that true decision came I stuck to it.  My commitment to T and doing what she said was spot on.  Obviously I have to keep in mind that I wanted and did reach an unrealistic weight and that I was doing so with a poor diet.  That was not part of T’s plan but I don’t need to revisit that.  It scares me a little that I don’t have the drive to eat half the calories like I used to.  I am afraid that I won’t see a number that I can live with.  I don’t have the patience to drop a pound here and there.  Once again, I am back to bloated from not drinking enough water and not eating enough of the right foods.  Start, stop, start, stop.  I’m enough to give a rag doll the shits!!

So I am starting over.  How many times in the 8 weeks of Tony going out of his way to help me have I been here?  I’ve lost count its been so many.  I guess it’s better that I am willing to try again and work to get it right than to not try at all.  Don’t half ass your decision.  Make it and do it.  I know I am trying to break years of habit and thought process but ultimately its yes or no.

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