I haven’t blogged in days!  I stepped away from all social media and have been relaxing.  Watching scary stuff on TV and of course The Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders – making the team!  Busy with dance, resting my back and reading about smoking and epilepsy.  I pulled a muscle in my upper back and a little girl told our daughter that I got epilepsy from smoking.  That sums up my last few days.  I never smoked and I’m pretty sure you can’t “get” epilepsy from smoking.  Thank goodness our daughter is a confident kid and lets stuff roll off her back.  I get a little happy twitch when I think about the look she most likely gave her classmate.  Those of you who know our daughter know the look I’m talking about.   

I haven’t worked out since Friday so that could be adding to my grouchy state.  It’s also that time of the month.  If I am not in a good workout mode and eating the right calories, a good ole PMS state could send me into eating overdrive.  I can polish of a good portion of food in our fridge and pantry.  I can’t seem to break the inconsistency of calorie intake.  If I could, these little PMS moments wouldn’t really matter.  That little voice in my head never shuts up about how quickly 10 pds could be dropped if I consumed 600-800 calories for a couple of days.  I was down two pds, actual pounds.  What did I do?  Low calories for a couple of days and dropped down 4 more pounds.  Did it stay, NOPE!!!  The minute I ate they came right back on, add to it that I haven’t worked out since Friday.  I pulled a muscle in my back so I wasn’t back at the gym on Monday like usual.  Mad about the weight, PMS and no gym.  I don’t even need to say more. 

As I said, no promises anymore.  I’ll do it eventually.  One day I’ll make it stick.  I guess I learn a new lesson every time.  At least I know my way doesn’t work, I used to really believe that it did.  My head just won’t let me believe that the number doesn’t matter.  I’m willing to let go of some of the numbers, deal with the fact that certain weights are too low.  I just can’t accept that the weight I am now is ok.         


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