Having med levels return to normal is a beautiful thing.  I’ve been to the gym and been eating as directed.  Having med levels at a better level is obviously a good thing but when it comes to me eating healthy, I can’t put all blame on medication.  As I have mentioned in the past my diet ideas are not healthy.  Too few calories is my preference but I can’t live that way forever.  My system has been jacked up for a long time now and me going back and forth from following the diet plan to not at all is making it worse.  I don’t even talk about food anymore with T.  Not really sure why.  Maybe its just become that taboo topic.  In the past we always ended up pissing each other off – we’re friends and it somehow makes it hard.  I reluctantly asked Tony for help.  I say reluctantly because it was/is very hard to give up a diet method that works.  As un-healthy as I was doing it, I knew it worked.  Listening to Tony is easier though because he could really give a shit about how I feel.  It’s all health to him, he will help anyone who asks for it.  The catch is that you have to be willing to really try.  No sympathy when I piss and moan.  You do it or you don’t, choice is your.  I’ve lost a lot of weight so I get asked a lot of questions and I am certainly happy to share what I know.  I’ve been obese, I’ve been underweight and I’ve been healthy.  I haven’t been happy with any of them but I’m learning to deal with healthy and I will get there.  I may still need a talk off the ledge from time to time but I am trying.  I have to for my husband and daughter and for myself.

The latest advice from Tony plays in my ears every single day.  I can’t continue with the 180 degree spin that I continually pull, I’ll get to the point where he can’t help me.  I have to get my shit straight and stick to plan.  Where I am now I have to demand perfection from myself or I will keep failing.  Demand perfection, that’s what keeps sticking.  Not to look perfect or demand some crazy perfection that’s not realistic.  I need to push myself to get my diet healthy so I can be healthy.

We are worth more, we shouldn’t allow ourselves to fail at our goals.  We gotta demand more.  I’m worth more than what the scale says and what size my jeans are.  I’ve been trying to reach a ridiculous perfection that I have in my head when it comes to size.  My health is more important than those numbers.  So to my friends who ask for advice, is your current plan working for you?  Change it up!!!  Some may think Tony telling me to demand perfection from myself to be a bit harsh.  Think about it though, aren’t we worth that?  Don’t we deserve doing the best and getting the best from ourselves?  Demand the best from yourself.

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