4 days of staying in my calorie range!  It’s a challenge but challenge is good.  It’s going to work and going to stick this time.  I’ve really thought about being successful and thought about why I keep struggling.  I’ve had to admit to myself that letting go of starvation mode is the only way I am going to have permanent success.  I haven’t been able to really put my method out of my mind, just too scary.  I know it works, granted not in a good way.  If I want to lose 5 pds quick, I know what to do.  I also know how quickly that weight will come back on as soon as I eat.  I’ve half ass tried to do what Tony said.  Half ass because I still kept my method as an option.  An effort here and there but I didn’t REALLY want to change though.  I wanted his plan to work but I wanted to use my way from time to time.  Starve all day and then eat at night, great idea right?  How can I truly believe that I can stick with my way forever?  Anyway its done.  I feel a little bit of sadness, I feel a pit in my stomach but I am letting my way go.

I know I am going to gain weight first, believe me I have already asked.  I gained weight several months back when Tony first started helping me.  I’m probably going to gain a bit more.  I am actually ok with it though.  I am taking control of it now.  I’m also squashing my fears of people making fun of me for gaining a few pounds too.  That’s right, I have feelings – shocking to some of you I know.  I rarely give a shit about what people think of me but weight is a sensitive issue.  When your 100 ish pounds over-weight and you finally have success, you also know there are people hoping to see you fail.  I’ve got my family, friends and a great support system, so I’m good.  If you’re struggling like me, give things some thought.  Change can be hard for many of us but in the end it will be worth it.

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