what’s my plan?

  • Posted on January 6, 2014 at 9:49 am

acceptance

I’ve been thinking about how I am going to move forward this coming year with health.  What is my plan going to be?  I can’t change the fact that I have epilepsy and I can’t change the fact that I have to take medication.   Having epilepsy was the big push behind me finally making the decision to lose weight.  My husband, daughter and I have enough on our plates with my condition.  We didn’t/don’t need me to have any other health problems.  So I have to stay healthy.

Those of you who know me or have been reading know my struggles.  Today I don’t feel like going in to great detail about food, exercise or am I going to do this or that.  I have got to figure out why I make this process so hard!  It’s the first Monday of the new year which means it has been four years since I started this weight loss process.  Still don’t have things figured out.  I am going to flounder if I don’t work on that one word above – accept.  I’ve never accepted the way I look.  I’m not ok with parts of me, I focus on what I consider flaws.  120 pd weight loss, going from a 22/24, 2XL to a 6/8/10, med  and all I can say is “yeah but look at my inner thighs”.  I can’t forgive myself for all the weight gain, the damage I’ve done to my body and the time I wasted being over-weight.  Why can’t I say “look at me now”?  Acceptance.

I’m off to the gym today and I have pulled out clothes that fit.  I’m not in them just yet.  My heart is literally pounding and my hands are sweaty and shaking.  My grey 2xl sweat pants are still out so I haven’t fully committed to the other.  I have to stop hiding, hiding my perceived flaws.  Wow, my stomach turned when I typed the word perceived.  Ok, so today I am going to show that I care about myself, little bit of make-up and some clothes that fit.  I’ll let you know if I was able to follow through.

1 Comment on what’s my plan?

  1. Bronwyn says:

    Acceptance is so hard. When I go shopping, I still reach for the bigger sizes and am always shocked that they are too big on me. My mind has not caught up with my body either, and I’m not sure when that will happen. What I do know is that I will keep working and focus on good nutrition and the parts of my body that I like, not the ones I want to change. Hopefully, that will happen through my continued effort. You have done an amazing job these past few years, and don’t feel alone in your thoughts that you should have this all figured out by now. Just keep learning and keep making the effort because you are worth it 🙂

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