I’ve been thinking about how I am going to move forward this coming year with health.  What is my plan going to be?  I can’t change the fact that I have epilepsy and I can’t change the fact that I have to take medication.   Having epilepsy was the big push behind me finally making the decision to lose weight.  My husband, daughter and I have enough on our plates with my condition.  We didn’t/don’t need me to have any other health problems.  So I have to stay healthy.

Those of you who know me or have been reading know my struggles.  Today I don’t feel like going in to great detail about food, exercise or am I going to do this or that.  I have got to figure out why I make this process so hard!  It’s the first Monday of the new year which means it has been four years since I started this weight loss process.  Still don’t have things figured out.  I am going to flounder if I don’t work on that one word above – accept.  I’ve never accepted the way I look.  I’m not ok with parts of me, I focus on what I consider flaws.  120 pd weight loss, going from a 22/24, 2XL to a 6/8/10, med  and all I can say is “yeah but look at my inner thighs”.  I can’t forgive myself for all the weight gain, the damage I’ve done to my body and the time I wasted being over-weight.  Why can’t I say “look at me now”?  Acceptance.

I’m off to the gym today and I have pulled out clothes that fit.  I’m not in them just yet.  My heart is literally pounding and my hands are sweaty and shaking.  My grey 2xl sweat pants are still out so I haven’t fully committed to the other.  I have to stop hiding, hiding my perceived flaws.  Wow, my stomach turned when I typed the word perceived.  Ok, so today I am going to show that I care about myself, little bit of make-up and some clothes that fit.  I’ll let you know if I was able to follow through.

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