Where has the time gone?  It seems as though I was just blogging about the new year and here we are almost three weeks in.  The year started with a dance competition so it has been a little busy at our house.

In one of my first posts of the new year, I said that I wanted to care a little more about how I look.  Even though I’ve lost weight, I still lean towards baggy clothes.  It may seem like a small thing to work on but for me its a big deal.  So when I headed back to the gym the first Monday of the new year, I intended to wear clothes that fit.  I was going to the gym with my friend Ann and I had fitted clothes ready.  I was pumped.  Then I started the battle with myself, at least 10 minutes.  I had clothes on that fit but I changed and put my baggy sweats on because all I could do was critique myself.  Instead of completely throwing in the towel, I decided to take baby steps.  I refused to be a complete failure.  I wore pants that fit and a big shirt.  I was not totally thrilled but I did make a step in the right direction.  Cold turkey with baggy clothes was a no for me.

When planning to head out-of-town for my daughters dance competition, I knew that was going to be another big test.  It was last weekend, January 10th and it took me days to settle on clothes.  I knew I was going to have to pull out some decent attire.  Though my daughter is not totally hung up on my appearance, she is 9 and prefers it when I wear nicer clothes.  How sad is it that my 9-year-old is telling me that I look good in fitted clothes and I can’t see it?  She doesn’t hesitate to tell me what she thinks and she is telling me I look good.  I managed jeans that fit and a shirt.  The other two days I was in more comfy clothes because there was a lot of sitting.  I did manage to make sure either my pants or shirt fit decent so I looked somewhat put together.  Not a complete victory but a step in the right direction.

I try to remind myself everyday how important it is to be healthy.  I try to remember what my goals are, what I want the most and tell myself that I won’t fail.  It’s funny, when I first started losing weight I thought I’d have this mastered when I reached my weight goal.  I thought I would know exactly what I needed to do to stay at a good weight.  I stupidly thought it would be easy at some point.  I have hope that one day this will be easy, that I won’t have to talk myself through everything.  One day it will all just make sense.

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