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 I believe I mentioned that Bailey is back, she had her baby and is allowed to workout.  Sickness and school closings hindered our plans to get to the gym this last week.  She, Leah & I have our goals set to get healthy though.  Bailey had to workout at home today, the T25 and Leah and I went to the gym.  As we started cardio I received the above picture from Bailey.  I seriously almost lost it!  So I had to in turn share with her the saying that Leah told me while we did weights.  Leah read or saw something that said – just because you put a pretty shirt over a muffin top doesn’t make it a cupcake.  We all got a good laugh!  So there you go, on with my post. 

I have been going through a plethora of emotions over the last several months with diet and exercise.  Old patterns, new ones.  Some I share and some I don’t.  I reluctantly share this, I have been on a fast track to becoming 258 pds again.  Maybe a little exaggeration but you get it.  I am so hard on myself and become so defeated that I ultimately sabotage myself.  I’m back to the point where I can’t take a compliment from my husband.  Not that accepting compliments has ever been my forte but I was able to accept them from him.

What do I do now?  I am at a cross roads, figure this shit out or stop complaining and flush all the hard work down the toilet.  What would you tell me to do?  Do I pick the brownie or the apple?  Should I starve and then binge two days later or should I for once try and eat the way Tony has been telling me to?  Is saying you’ll start Monday going to be any different then saying you’ll start today?  We can always come up with excuses as to why today isn’t a good day and a different day would be better.  I know those tricks believe me.  I did it for ten years!  I know the right answers and so do you.  I ask the questions because several of you who read my blog are trying to lose weight or wanting to maintain.  If you’re struggling, ask yourself the same questions.   I’m not trying to minimize but if we break it down into questions with obvious answers it can give a little perspective. 

So as I said, with Bailey’s return, we have decided that we need to make a plan.  The three of us have considered where we want to be and have decided that floundering is unacceptable.  I can talk with them and be pumped and encouraging but encouraging myself doesn’t come so easy.  I decided four years ago that I couldn’t do this on my own.  I had tried and failed so it was time for something different.  Even though I have become healthier and more fit, I have continued to say that I can’t do it on my own.  It didn’t matter how much T told me the success was mine, I always gave the credit to her.  She always told me I could do it on my own but I made her my crutch.  I do that with Bailey and Leah too.  Yes its true I can’t drive, I need someone to take me to the gym but I have to hold myself accountable on the days they can’t go.  I have a gym area in my home, I literally have no excuse.  I should be working out in my own gym everyday, I used to.  The accountability we have is great, encouraging each other towards our goals is awesome!  Thing is, I can’t hold them accountable when I am on my own at home.  Sounds pretty stupid to have to even say that right?  It’s not that I really do put it on them but I certainly forget that it’s on me.  I needed that reminder and I got it today.   

I told Tony that I didn’t know how to gain control back, I didn’t know how to start again.  For months he has told me everything he possibly could to help me and I side step.  Today he told me to reset and start with confidence.  Take each hour and day as they come.  What I remember most though, he said accountability to myself and to my family.

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