So how did you do yesterday?  I had to pull my focus back three different times during the day.  Not too bad overall.  Today marks one week of consistency and I was planning to have my weight checked today at the gym.  Plans have changed a bit, so I am going to wait until next week.  Every now and then I have these short, brief thoughts where I feel like I could be ok with the number.  It makes me happy too when I think I could let it go.  Reality sets back in though and I know I am not quite there.  Maybe I could actually get past it and not really care what my number is.  Fleeting thoughts, but something I want to tackle.  THAT is something that definitely is going to require a lot of work!!  One thing at a time.

So, why don’t we want to put our health first?  Why is it so hard to make good choices?  It’s not good to be overweight, not for anyone!  Add any health condition that you may have, seems like even more motivation to get healthy.  I didn’t choose to have epilepsy but what I eat and how much I workout is certainly up to me.  Why wouldn’t I want to do the best?   Sometimes I get in this mood, I question myself.  I can’t stop wondering why in the hell I make decisions that are so wrong!!  So stupid really.  I take enough medication for two people.  If a bug bites me, it dies.  I’m toxic.  I should be eating clean healthy foods and drinking lots of water to flush my system out.  My kidney’s and liver probably scream in pain for water at times and my go to is coffee.  I can’t get my shit together and just be healthy.  Why am I so dumb?  Why do I care if the scale says 138 or 158?  If I look healthy and I am healthy why do I give a shit?  Why do so many of us disrespect ourselves so much?  We know what’s right, what’s best and we challenge, ignore and do the opposite.  Do we need to be punched?  Should I have someone bitch slap common sense into me.  I’m sure plenty of people would volunteer for that. 

We have got to start caring more about our health.  All of you, please care more about your health and less about chips, cookies or whatever.  I admit I pick poor choices at times but for me it’s about control.   I have to care more about my health and less about the desire to control.

A bit of a questioning rant, I apologize.  I’ve had a good week maintaining my calories and that sometimes leads me to wonder why I make things so hard.  It’s the weekend so avoid two steps forward and three steps back.

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