Hope everyone is well!  My sporadic posting continues, it’s been a while since I last logged on.  I’ve taken some pages down for now, this blog is in need of a change.  I’ll see what I can accomplish this summer.  I’m still in project mode however I am moving very slow.  I did finish the downstairs guest bedroom and bathroom and both rooms look amazing, if I do say so myself.  It took me a bit of time but it looks great.  Trying to decide what my next project is going to be. The weight loss challenge continues.  We are all working hard to make permanent changes.  I started off being really competitive with this challenge, we all did!  As the weeks have passed, we have all settled down a little bit with the whole competition part.  I mean we want to win but we have realized that winning isn’t as important as we thought.  This is going to sound cheesy but the fact of the matter is we are all learning so we all win.  We each  have changes we are trying to make and getting involved in a challenge like this has really helped each of us identify what’s easy and what is more challenging.  Ultimately any positive changes made to improve health is a win.  Doesn’t stop the friendly banter but we have all figured out what’s important. To spare you all the pain of reading the same crap over, I will try to sum some shit up.  One year.  It’s literally been one year since I told Tony I would give his plan a try.  I am most certainly still a hot mess but I’ve learned a lot.  I’m trying to recover from years of damage that I did to my system.  My metabolism is screwed but for the first time ever in my life I am actually trying to do things right.  Yeah a talking off the ledge is still needed now and then and sometimes I just need to ask a dumb question that I already know the answer to.  Totally sounds ridiculous but if you were in my shoes you would understand.  Simply put, I don’t think in a rational way.  Like the scale, it can be the devil to someone like me.  I am still not able to deal with the number but not knowing it really helps.  I realize it seems juvenile but putting that whole number thing on Tony to manage has made a huge difference. So progress is being made.  Since the start of the challenge I have only had one slip up and it really wasn’t bad.  I get frustrated at times but I have stuck to the plan.  It’s hard because I am busting my ass at the gym but the weight is not coming off like I am used to.  Price I am paying.  I can tell you that it’s totally annoying to have to be losing weight again.  When you’re a dumbass like me and you deprive your system like I was – that’s what f’n happens.  I knew the weight gain would happen but it doesn’t make it easy.  Its been hard to stomach at times.  I’m not phased by much when it comes to what people think of me BUT even the hardest of people like myself can’t help but be phased at times.  I wonder what people say about my weight.  I’m certain there are people who think its funny or enjoy thinking I have failed.  That’s hard for me to admit – that I have feelings!!  It makes me feel weak to admit that I could possibly give a shit.  There’s so much truth to the saying – surround yourself with good people.  I count my blessings daily.  So I’ve put my focus on reminding myself that I am trying to recover from years of damage and that weight gain was going to happen.  The best thing though, after we weighed-in this past Friday Tony said I had finally leveled off.  I was no longer having huge weight fluctuations.  He told me how long it would take to reach my goal weight if I stayed steady and for the first time my reaction was to stay on track.  I usually plan to cut calories but I was ok with what he said.  I felt a sense of peace, I’ve never felt that when it comes to my size.

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