Hope everyone is well!! The last few days I have been busy wrapping up projects around my house – that is why I haven’t blogged. I haven’t tossed in the towel. I admit that the last few days have been challenging, I am desperately trying not to let weight and food control my mood. I am frustrated, I’m absolutely tired of thinking about this. It doesn’t stop. I want to make this health and fitness thing easy on myself but I haven’t quite figured out how to. If I could stop over-thinking that would probably help. I can’t stop worrying. My size is ALWAYS on my mind. Not a number but what I actually see. It’s just constantly on my mind. It doesn’t matter what I am doing I have thoughts in the back of my mind. What I should eat, is it a bad choice, should I have eaten less, maybe more, should I have worked out harder, how bad I look in an outfit, how can I cover up, on and on!! It makes me tired. I want to throw my hands up and some days I guess I actually do. I think to myself – was it that bad being over-weight? It sure was easier to just be the size of an NFL linebacker. I didn’t have to work hard at all to be heavy. I don’t mean gorging on food and no exercise, I mean I just didn’t have thoughts running through my head all day long!!! For me, it’s easy to be heavy and it’s easy to be too thin. Healthy & fit, I don’t know what that is.
I still chug along. If you struggle, well, you are not the only one. I never wanted to think of myself as a person who struggles with weight. A person with weight issues. All the blogging I have done and all I have shared – still never wanted to admit that I struggle with weight. Acceptance is very hard. My inability to accept my body for what it is continues to guide me and my thought process. Maybe I need to start with acceptance and go from there