Hope everyone is well!!  The last few days I have been busy wrapping up projects around my house – that is why I haven’t blogged.  I haven’t tossed in the towel.  I admit that the last few days have been challenging, I am desperately trying not to let weight and food control my mood.  I am frustrated, I’m absolutely tired of thinking about this.  It doesn’t stop.  I want to make this health and fitness thing easy on myself but I haven’t quite figured out how to.  If I could stop over-thinking that would probably help.  I can’t stop worrying.  My size is ALWAYS on my mind.  Not a number but what I actually see.  It’s just constantly on my mind.  It doesn’t matter what I am doing I have thoughts in the back of my mind.  What I should eat, is it a bad choice, should I have eaten less, maybe more, should I have worked out harder, how bad I look in an outfit, how can I cover up, on and on!!  It makes me tired.  I want to throw my hands up and some days I guess I actually do.  I think to myself – was it that bad being over-weight?  It sure was easier to just be the size of an NFL linebacker.  I didn’t have to work hard at all to be heavy.  I don’t mean gorging on food and no exercise, I mean I just didn’t have thoughts running through my head all day long!!!  For me, it’s easy to be heavy and it’s easy to be too thin.  Healthy & fit, I don’t know what that is.

I still chug along.  If you struggle, well, you are not the only one.  I never wanted to think of myself as a person who struggles with weight.  A person with weight issues.  All the blogging I have done and all I have shared – still never wanted to admit that I struggle with weight.  Acceptance is very hard.  My inability to accept my body for what it is continues to guide me and my thought process.  Maybe I need to start with acceptance and go from there

Leave a comment

There are no comments yet.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.